Good morning, Bright and Shiny Beacons of Light!!!
I stood there in shock, complete disbelief, unsure what to do, my camera still rolling…
Friday was a very difficult day.
We’d gone in for a routine pregnancy exam and the doctor asked if we could do another ultrasound because she “just wanted to be sure.”
I prefer to keep the ultrasounds to a minimum for the baby but deferred to Jessica, who felt a quick touch-and-go for reassurance would be good. I agreed.
But there, holding my camera, filming Jessica and the ultrasound screen, I froze in shock. I didn’t even know what to do…so I kept the camera rolling for a minute.
There was no heartbeat, no growth, and the beautiful technician, pregnant herself and fighting back tears, said “I’d better get the doctor.”
Our baby was no more.
The only thought racing through my head wasn’t grief, it was how do I help Jessica through this? That is still my one and only concern.
She’s been through so much, molded and sick years ago, then finally healthy, then one exhausting pregnancy and miscarriage this fall, and now a second exhausting pregnancy and miscarriage this winter.
I’d do anything for my Pookie.
Two days later I still don’t have the answer, but in between bouts of sadness and tears flowing, the light within her grows bright. She came downstairs this morning declaring, “It’s Springtime, the birds are chirping!!!”
What more can we do when good things go “bad” but to find what we can to celebrate. And know that life goes on…in the most beautiful way, it always does.
For myself, it means relaxing into everything…how can I let go and “surrender” to a level I never have before?
And how can I support Jessica with the love and attention she needs, the patience she deserves, the shoulder to cry on, and most importantly, the ear to listen?
Sometimes we have no idea how to help another. But lending an ear can be the greatest gift in the world.
As I write this, Jessica’s come into the studio for some hugs…then she wandered over to the window where we “randomly” saw a rabbit right outside.
Interestingly enough, just 2 days ago we had Lori Morrison on the show, author of the Shaman’s Guide to Power Animals, who says rabbits are a sign of fertility.
We just looked and said, “Wow…what are the odds?”…and then Jessica began singing and heading off to feed Sir Meowsers.
“The Pookie’s back and she’s better than ever! Hey now, the Pookie’s back!!!”
It’s all a choice, there’s a lot of grieving to be done, but in this moment, we can always choose a little happiness. And spread some in the world too.
We both send all our love your way.
The Pookie is back, and she’s better than ever. :O) :O) :O)
Keep Shining Bright!
Michael, Jessica, the Kitty Team & (temporarily) 2 Mice