INSPIRE #520: HOW TO BUILD A COUPLE BUBBLE!!! + Guided Meditation!

Dr. Stan Tatkin on How to Build a Couple Bubble for Love, Happiness & Long-Lasting Relationships! + Guided Meditation!

Listen to the podcast below!




How To Build A Couple Bubble For Love and Happiness!!!

If you’ve ever struggled with love, particularly in your relationship or marriage, then do we have the couple-building show for you!

Today I’ll be talking with Stan Tatkin, clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy. He’s also the author of four books including his latest, my new favorite couples book, Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship.

Today we’ll be talking about building, protecting, and not-popping the couple bubble so you can defuse conflict and build a secure relationship.

That plus we’ll talk about the emote me game, the power of the insula, the orbitofrontal cortex, early birds and night owls, and why it’s okay to be annoying, just not threatening!

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Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT). He has a clinical practice in Calabasas, CA, where he has specialized for the last 15 years in working with couples and individuals who wish to be in relationships. He and his wife, Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, developed the PACT Institute for the purpose of training other psychotherapists to use this method in their clinical practice.

In addition, Dr. Tatkin teaches and supervises first- through third-year family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente, Woodland Hills, CA, and is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine, Department of Family Medicine. He is on the board of directors of Lifespan Learning Institute and serves as a core member on Relationships First, a nonprofit organization founded by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.

Books by Dr. Tatkin include

  • Wired for Dating: How Understanding Neurobiology and Attachment Style Can Help You Find Your Ideal Mate, published by New Harbinger.
  • Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship, published by New Harbinger.
  • Your Brain on Love: The Neurobiology of Healthy Relationships, published by Sounds True.
  • Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy, with coauthor Marion Solomon, available through W. W. Norton’s Interpersonal Neurobiology Series.

Dr. Tatkin received his early training in developmental object relations (Masterson Institute), Gestalt, psychodrama, and family systems theory. In his private practice, he specialized for some time in treating adolescents and adults with personality disorders. More recently, his interests turned to psycho-neurobiological theories of human relationship, and to integrating principles of early mother-infant attachment with principles of adult romantic relationships.

Dr. Tatkin was a primary inpatient group therapist at the John Bradshaw Center where, among other things, he taught mindfulness to patients and staff. He was trained in Vipassana meditation by Shinzen Young, PhD, and was an experienced facilitator in Vipassana. He was also trained by David Reynolds, PhD in two Japanese forms of psychotherapy, Morita and Naikan.

Dr. Tatkin was clinical director of Charter Hospital’s intensive outpatient drug and alcohol program, and is a former president of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Ventura County chapter. He is a veteran member of Allan N. Schore’s study group. He also trained in the Adult Attachment Interview through Mary Main and Erik Hesse’s program out of UC Berkeley.


Dr. Stan Tatkin Online: Website | Facebook | Twitter  | Linkedin

Key Topics:

  • How’d Stan get into teaching vipassana?
  • How he worked with John Bradshaw
  • How’d he get into meditation
  • What a sensory deprivation tank had to do with anything
  • How he got interested in child and brain development while working with John Bradshaw
  • How he got interested in preventing personality disorders
  • How Jessica got interested in mindful pregnancy
  • What is one of the most important premises in healthy child development?
  • How do you support a mother raising her child
  • What Thich Nhat Hanh says about caregivers and raising a child.
  • What is a couple bubble?
  • What chemistry takes place when we start dating.
  • Why we make mistakes in relationships because our brains are relying on shortcuts
  • What is normal in relationships
  • Why a couple bubble has to do with secure functioning
  • What’s the dumb vagus?
  • What’s the insula
  • What are the primitives?
  • How do we bring in the ambassadors to prevent war?
  • What does presence and attention have to do with preventing fights?
  • What do islands, waves, and anchors have to do with anything?
  • What are pleasing and soothing 101?
  • What’s the importance of knowing your partner?
  • How to prevent things from being long-term problems?
  • What are morning and nighttime rituals, and early birds and night owls?
  • Why most problems in relationships have to do with separations and reunions
  • Why you want to wish your partner well dead or alive before going to bed
  • How do we fight?
  • How do we come up with a win/win situation?
  • What’s it mean to wave the flag of friendliness?
  • Why our brains are constantly filling in the blanks and why you shouldn’t leave things blank
  • What are the perils of digital fighting?
  • Why hugging with your bellies together is so important
  • Do we all need touch?
  • Words of wisdom for parents
  • Shambhala Mountain Center Sept. 15th to 18th Wired for Love Couple’s event
  • Go to and for counselor training
  • Also see Wired for Love and Wired for Dating

Related Podcasts:


INSPIRE #204: Why Great Relationships Need Great Fights & How to Do Them Right! (Judith Wright, EdD & Bob Wright EdD, “The Heart of the Fight”)


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