INSPIRE #218: The Proven Power of Mindful Self-Compassion & Why It’s So Important + Guided Meditation
Kristin Neff Shares the Proven Power of Mindful Self-Compassion & Why It’s Important For Relationships, Happiness, Career & Kids! + Guided Meditation
Listen to the podcast below!
BOOKS BY KRISTIN NEFF, PHD:
SHOW INTRODUCTION:
Today I’ll be talking with Dr. Kristin Neff, psychologist, researcher, and pioneer in the field of self-compassion. She’s also the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
Today we’ll be talking about self-compassion or true caring, concern and love for you; what it really looks like, what it feels like, why it’s different from self-esteem, and why it’s so incredibly important and needed in our lives (despite what we’ve been taught).
That plus we’ll look a squeegee man, a hugging practice, the lake Wobeggon Effect, and how connecting with horses truly changes lives.
MORE ON KRISTIN NEFF, PHD:
Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion over a decade ago. In addition to writing numerous academic articles and book chapters on the topic, she is author of the book “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself,” released by William Morrow. In conjunction with her colleague Dr. Chris Germer, she has developed an empirically supported eight-week training program called Mindful Self-Compassion, and offers workshops on self-compassion worldwide. Kristin is also featured in the bestselling book and award-winning documentary The Horse Boy, which chronicles her family’s journey to Mongolia where they trekked on horseback to find healing for her autistic son.
Key Topics:
- How her autistic son taught her self-compassion
- Where did the desire to study self-compassion come from?
- How studying Buddhism turned Kristin toward self-compassion
- What’s it mean to relate to ourselves?
- How and why do we talk to ourselves as inner enemies?
- Why our safety system (threat defense mechanism) causes us to attack ourselves
- What’s a freeze response?
- Why we treat our good friends different than we treat ourselves?
- Why it’s easier to trigger the care-giver system with our good friends
- What happens with children of very critical or even abusive parents
- What Kristin Neff is finding in over 10 years of studying self-compassion
- How we have self-compassion backwards (and how it makes us stronger, rather than weaker)
- Why the rod and stick (spare the rod, spoil the child) is backwards and leads to self-criticism and undermining self-confidence
- What’s the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem
- What’s wrong with self-esteem and what’s the backlash from promoting self-esteem?
- Why self-compassion doesn’t seem to have the negative side-effects that self-esteem does
- Why we’re more likely to take responsibility because it’s safe to do so.
- How self-compassion gives you the emotional resources to be at our best
- What is self-kindness?
- What are the three main triggers of the compassion mechanism?
- What’s the hugging exercise?
- Why you want to touch yourself or put a hand on yourself to help calm you down and put you in a place of self-compassion (yes, this is touchy-feely)
- Language you can use for yourself to train your brain for self-compassion
- Why tones are so important and often more important than the language itself
- What is common humanity and why is it so important
- What differentiates self-compassion from self-pity?
- Why imperfection is what connects us to other people, not separates us
- What does mindfulness have to do with self-compassion?
- What exactly is mindfulness?
- Why it’s so important to be aware of their own ‘suffering’ (any instance of emotional pain, which is a common Buddhist term, but doesn’t have to be).
- What’s a self-compassion journal and how do you use one?
- What is emotional resilience?
- What is mindful self-compassion (a program with Chris Germer)
- What is a simple practice for mindful self-compassion?
- Why men who do high fives and fist-pounds to basketball teammates perform better
- How do we shift past self-criticism?
- Why we want to turn with understanding and compassion toward self-criticism
- Why we don’t want to judge ourselves for judging ourselves
- What do you do when you get lost in your emotions or a storyline
- How do we use a mindful self-compassion flashlight?
- What’s a self-compassion backdraft?
- What’s a self-compassion detox?
- Why is compassion for others so important for ourselves
- Why it’s so important for parents to model self-compassion for their kids
- How to take the self-compassion scale
- A short guided meditation or practice on self-compassion called ‘The Self-Compassion Break”
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SHINE BRIGHT!
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