This is not at all how I imagined my first blog post… but below is an edited version of what came out in a long-winded Facebook post. So rather than write long-winded Facebook posts, I thought why not start that blog that I’ve been talking about starting this year.
When inspiration strikes, run with it. Otherwise, it might not come around again.
So it’s rough, it’s raw, and I plan on keeping my blog that way or else I risk never posting anything in pursuit of perfection. Here goes…
It wasn’t a fun week, but I sure learned A LOT. With the pain in my eye and the swelling around it, I found myself with plenty of opportunities to shut my eyes and turn inward. I found myself repeating Ho’oponopono… actually repeating is an exaggeration.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the ancient Hawaiian practice, Ho’oponopono, I’ve found a few different variations, but this is generally the order that I prefer.
I LOVE YOU
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
I only said it once, but the entire mantra took me 30 minutes. I spent long minutes contemplating each word… starting with the word “I”. I really wanted to know and feel what each word meant on a much deeper level than I ever delved before.
Of course the word “I” brought up the question “Who is the I that is saying this mantra… that is trying to heal my eye… that is about to express love… that is about to apologize” and so on.
Eventually, I was on to “love”… where is this love coming from? Is it from me? from I? the BIG I? Where is the love going?
I think you get the point.
Had I not had my eye nearly swollen shut, and felt a sense of desperation (antibiotics were not working – go figure), I don’t think I would have set aside the time for such introspection and for an important opportunity to once again open up to a greater consciousness and a greater sense of being-ness.
With that said, I have to admit, discovering an ulcer on my eye was pretty unsettling. Imagine a canker sore–now instead of it in your mouth, it’s on your eye. Not a pleasant experience. And when the antibiotics weren’t having much of an effect, and the eye doctor wrote me a referral to go see a specialist (with a not so friendly receptionist. I did make an appointment, which I then cancelled.) I started to get desperate.
Seems like we often have to reach that point of desperation before we finally surrender to a greater power. For me that meant saying Ho’oponopono with every bit of feeling I could possibly muster up. It meant doing my intention meditation and visualization work with as much focus and determination than ever before. (no mind wandering and spacing out during this meditation) It meant going quiet, listening to my intuition and my body which was yelling at me to stop the antibiotics (I haven’t taken antibiotics since I had my wisdom teeth pulled when I was 21.) And of course using the magic of the internet to find alternate natural remedies.
I didn’t roll over. As Michael likes to say, “I threw the kitchen sink at it”. I pulled out every trick I already knew, physically and metaphysically and searched for more. And eventually I found apple cider vinegar… That sealed the deal… or rather it helped my eye seal the ulcer. Yup, apple cider vinegar, diluted 1:1 with water straight into the eye. I’ve never felt so much pain in my eye before. My eye was on fire, but somehow it felt cathartic. Perhaps I was burning off karma.
I’m now happy to report after a tumultuous, messy journey this past week, my eye is now near 100%. It feels miraculous and I am loving my eyes (and new insights) more than ever.